From a little rural corner of the USA, I had to take the long way ‘round.

Took me until I was 30 to realize I was a lesbian. Took me another 8 years and a trip through postmodern gender/queer theory, including a time identifying as transgender, to finally make peace with my body, my sex, and my orientation – not to mention my place in the world. The secret lies in the words of women who have been through it, in the roots of our oppression, and the truth about how perfect we are, just as we are. All of us.

Knowledge isn’t just power. It’s sometimes salvation. If this blog can do anything to keep other women from suffering as I have, I’ll do what I can.

My handle, Strayaway Woman, derives from the Celtic tune The Strayaway Child. When I was eleven or twelve I heard The Chieftain’s haunting rendition, and walked with that melody away from my family and social circle, into the woods where I felt I belonged. That feeling stayed with me a long time, no matter how I tried to incorporate myself into larger society and circles of friends, until I grew into a woman who has chosen to stray away from so many expectations, so many roles, so many standards, that it has very much become who I am.

2 thoughts on “About

  1. Hello. I am curios if there are detransitioned women who are not lesbian. My daughter believes she is FtM but she also says she likes guys. Personally I don’t care who she likes and don’t think she’s had enough life experiences to even begin to make a claim one way or another. Anyway, I’m just trying to wrap my mind around why she would feel the need to become a man. What is a man? What makes a man so different from a woman? What makes him better than her? Probably way too many questions. I just hate that she hates the beautiful person she is and I’m confused about the liking boy part.


    • Hi Renee. You can find the very excellent writings (and videos!) of a detransitioned woman who is straight at mariacatt.com. Sexual orientation can be very tricky and isn’t always connected to wanting to identify as another gender. For many women, wanting to be seen as a man has more to do with wanting to escape being a woman than wanting to become a man. Your daughter may be a beautiful person as a woman, but the world is still a very scary, oppressive place for young women, and some women find safety in the idea of living instead as a male “who cannot be messed with.” It seems like a free pass to a lot of self-expression that is otherwise restricted for women, in more ways than just being attracted to women.

      Identifying out of womanhood is often about searching for freedom and for escape. Safety and celebration of self are really key things, and I hope you and your daughter are able to navigate the journey together.


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