Doing Something About It

After reading the interview with Gender Critical Dad  over at 4th Wave Now this morning, I found myself a bit dismayed (again) at the lack of … how to put it… lesbian guidance for young lesbians and their parents. I’ve often mentioned how frustrating it is that being a lesbian doesn’t come with a handbook, and I started to wonder if, hmm, maybe one should be written – at very least as blog post or a PDF!

So for all my readers who are lesbians, or if you identify as something other for whatever reason but “AFAB exclusively attracted to AFAB” could describe you, I would love some input as to what could have made accepting yourself as a lesbian easier for you – anything parents or family members or friends or even society in general could have done for you. I have a few points in mind already, but I’d love to get as many perspectives from as many different circumstances as possible.

16 thoughts on “Doing Something About It

  1. Someone could have told me this:

    You are allowed to be any kind of woman you want to be with any sort of appearance imaginable. You can love women deeply and earnestly and still be a woman. You can learn to love your body just the way it is, in time. You’re most probably going to go through a lot of hardship. Sometimes you will revolt against yourself because of the poisonous hatred given to you by your community for not fitting in. This revolt might be an eating disorder or a deep hatred for your body. You might become suicidal or addicted to drugs. But know that in the end, you’re a truly stunning human being, a woman, a lesbian, a lover and nurturer of other woman, a thinker, a do-er. Nothing is wrong or amiss with you because you are gay or because you want to look and act in a way society cannot tolerate. You aren’t too masculine or too this or that. And there is and will continue to be a community of strong women for you to turn to.

    Also — a book list would have been wonderful growing up. I think we should put one together.

    Liked by 2 people

    • These are lovely thoughts and make me want to include quotes from lesbians just like this, in their own words, on a few special pages of “One on one words of wisdom”

      I think a book list is a great idea, as well as a list of lesbian films and some non-fiction and historical references, too. Something to give young lesbians a context for who they are realizing themselves to be.

      I’ll keep poking away at an outline. When I was probing the trans thing there were so many colorful, friendly, easy-to-read, pro-trans PDFs from places like HRC and GLAAD, and I think we desperately need something similar for lesbians.

      As I get my thoughts together I’ll share them here so we can edit and adjust as needed.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There are so many things to put in this handbook. I think this is a project you could work on for a whole year. You could include (1) coming out (2) dealing with bullying (3) lesbian dating (4) falling in love with a straight girl (5) the identity labels lesbian and bisexual and what they mean (6) lesbian history (7) lesbian culture (books, films, music, etc) (8) lesbian sex (9) lesbian weddings (10) famous lesbians (11) transgenderism (12) lesbian stereotypes and that’s just off the top of my head.
    There is a list of 101 lesbian/bisexual women musicians in a copy of Curve magazine that I have. I could provide it to you. (I searched for it online and it looks like you have to subscribe to get it, but I have the paper copy.)
    I also think photos of lesbians are a good idea, to show the diversity of how we look. We could use photos we find online and give credit to where they come from or we can ask people if they want to contribute photos.
    I also think we should provide lots of link to web content, and I can include hyperlinks in a PDF document that will open web pages.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Excellent list and ideas! I will add them to my own, try to get an outline together this weekend. The hyperlinks and photos would be great, and yeah, I want to try to get some like “10 to look for” lists for music/books/films so anything you have for that would be great.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I would LOVE to contribute to this list. Biggest thing is having them claim their full Lesbian/Dykely/Amazon Selves snd to learn to love their female loving female desires, minds bodies and Spirits….I will also give a link to DykesforDykes on Blogger, my blog. My no. 2 mission is to catch them BEFORE they succumb to the pressure to transition, whether because they may be Butch and because they love and lust after womyn. NEITHER means you’re “a man”.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m way late to the party, but I would say: Your sexuality is yours. It is not for male consumption or for males to police. They will try, but they are wrong. You are a full person, not just a reflection of what men want from you. You deserve to be happy. There is nothing wrong about your lack of desire for men. There are other women like you and

    Liked by 1 person

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